Top 5 Ways to turn the De La Salle football movie into a blockbuster.
You might have heard that Hollywood has finally gotten wise to what’s been going on in Contra Costa County. Concord, more specifically (Winton Ave, if you wanna get super-picky). That’s right. The De La Salle High School football team is set to make its big-screen debut when Neil Hayes’ splendid book, “When the Game Stands Tall,” gets the full-on “Coach Carter” treatment from director Thomas Carter and Mandalay Entertainment. Rumor has it production starts in September. We’re here to nudge these ignorant movie people in the right direction with this thing.
1. Coach Lad “” Probably the single most important decision regarding this picture is the casting of Bob Ladouceur. If we’re going small-market indie pic, we take Henry Czerny because, well, duh. Sure sure, he’s “that guy,” but he’s also that guy who’s a dead-ringer for the best high school football coach in the history of ever. Big market? Jeremy Irons. We’re pretty sure he can pull off the American accent. Plus he has the eye-ball and brow intensity we need in this role. And the ladies love him. Can’t hurt you at the box office. Sidenote: It wouldn’t kill “˜em to get Tom Sizemore to play defensive coordinator Terry Eidson. The beard needs to be just so. We’re just sayin.
2. Facts “” They matter, people. The press release on this thing had the Spartans’ winning streak at 138 games. Whosaywhathehecknow? One. Five. One. 151 straight W’s. Don’t short Lad and the gang anything.
3. Football “” Very simple. Get. It. Right. The Spartans aren’t the biggest or the fastest or the most athletic. They don’t run a fancy, high-flying offense. They run, like, three plays. They just run them very, very well. Everyone is exactly where he’s supposed to be. Make sure we stay away from any Statue of Liberty/Flea-flicker nonsense. This ain’t Boise State.
4. Special effects “” All that being said about the football? Sure, sure. But the big climactic scene where the invading alien forces drop the hammer on the zombie hordes? Let’s make sure that pops. Get me Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay”¦
5. The Romantic Twist “” You know, that thing Hollywood does where it inserts a love angle to appeal more broadly? Where the scrappy defensive back who nobody ever thought would make varsity finds his soul-mate in a cheerleader from neighboring Ygnacio Valley? Where he makes the streak-saving play in extra slo-mo and then they ride off into the sunset on a white horse? There isn’t one. Just. No.